Use Chores
to Stay Connected with Your Kid
Staying connected to our children is important. One
of the ways that we can do that is by doing chores with them. Trust me. I am
aware that you gave you gave your kids chores to teach them responsibility, and
you might want them to complete them on their own. However, doing chores with
your kids is a time for you guys to bond and to connect.
Let me explain. It really isn’t about the chores.
It’s more about spending time with your children and building bonds. Encourage
your child to talk to you while you're doing your chores. So, it doesn’t
matter if you are doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom together. What
matters most is that you are communicating.
The Purpose of Chores
What’s the big deal about chores anyway? Well, chores
have a lot of merit. Chores teach your children real world skills. These are
skills that they will need and use for the rest of their lives. Those skills
include responsibility, work ethics, self-reliance, and time management.
By holding them accountable for their chores,
you are teaching your kids to take ownership for their actions. This in turn
will help to teach them responsibility and help them to develop a good
work ethic for later in life.
Tasks such a doing the laundry, budgeting, and
washing dishes are life skills. By learning how to complete these tasks,
your children will learn how to be self-reliant.
Time management can be taught through chores.
When you children have to learn how to complete homework and still get their
chores done, they learn how to management their time more effectively.
When I was in high school, I played basketball and that
often meant having to complete homework and still being able to compete in
sports. I can remember one of my teammates working on homework while we drove to
the upcoming game. Plus, she was still responsible for chores when she got
home. She was a phenomenal athlete and a great student. Her parents had
adequately taught her how to manage her time.
By doing chores with your children, you can help them
to become better at time management. And, you are also teaching them other
skills that they will need later.
Open the Lines of Communication
If this is something new and you want to reconnect
with your kids, start slow. Begin by asking them a few simple questions.
Ø Ask them
how their day was.
Ø Ask them
if they have any concerns or other issues.
Ø Ask them
about school.
Ø Ask them
about their friends.
It really doesn’t matter what you ask them about. The
goal is to get them to talk to you. As you continue this routine, your kids and
you will become more comfortable sharing chores and talking.
Actively Listen
Be
sure to listen actively. What it mean to listen actively? Active listening
means to make a conscious effort to hear and to understand what another person
is saying. Active listening is less “me
focused” and more “you focused”.
During
active listening, you wait until the person speaking finishes before you speak.
There are two benefits to this. One, it gives the person speaking a sense of
relevance and completion. Two, it allows you to actually hear the whole
conversation. As parents, we can easily get wrapped up in what we want to tell
them instead of listening to what they have to say.
Focus
on What They Are Saying
Chores
are about being responsible. So, if we want our kids to become more
responsible, we should become more responsible ourselves. And, a part of being
responsible is being open to listening to our own children.
Life
can be hectic. There are so many things that can take our focus away from the
person talking to us. However, we need to make sure that we are listening to
our kids. Many times, children only wants someone to listen to what they
have to say. That someone should be you.
Be Understanding
While your
children are talking, be understanding. You may not agree with everything they say
but remember this isn’t the time to start an argument. Don’t be too judgmental.
Respect your children’s feelings, beliefs, and opinions. Give them the same
respect that you want them to give you.
Talk to
your children in a positive tone. This does not mean that you
can’t express disapproval. You can. However, check your tone before doing so.
If you are upset and yelling, your kids may feel threatened, and either shut
down completely or emulate your behavior and start yelling. This is not what
you want to do. The whole point of doing the chores with your kids is to build relationships.
When you are calm and attentive…without judgment…your children are more
likely to listen to what you have to say.
Don’t Nag
While you and the children are working on the chores,
be sure that you don’t nag. Don’t turn chore time into a time for lecture. None
of this is giving in to your children.
One of my favorite books to reference is Steve
Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. In this book, it
explains how to truly listen to other people. You can use it to help you get a
better understanding of how to talk to your children.
Teach Manners
This is also a great opportunity for you to
demonstrate manners to your children. Show them what it means to be polite. When
they finish their assigned chore, say “Thank You”. Be sure to encourage them by
saying, “Wow, you did a great job today”. Give him or her a pat on the back or
even a fist bump. If they're still little kids, you might even want to give them a hug or a
kiss. This is modeling respect.
Show Love and Compassion
The whole point of doing chores with your children is
to build bonds and to connect. This is one of the best opportunities to let
your kids know that you love them. You can do this by outright telling them
that you love them. If you are dealing with teens or tweens, you may be faced
with a lot of grunts and complaints. Ignore all grunts of the complaints.
Nothing could be ickier to tweens or teenagers than to have your parent telling
you that they love you.
Stay connected with your kids by doing chores with
them. Encourage your kids to talk. Listen while they are talking. Don’t judge. Don’t
nag. Instead, strengthen or build bonds.
Article to Read:
7 Reasons Why Kids Should Have Chores
https://www.momentumlife.co.nz/stories/why-kids-should-have-chores
Book to Read:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/1451639619/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2KEV9SO1AWCPE&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people&qid=1658363642&sprefix=7+habits%2Caps%2C127&sr=8-4
